Yogi Bear
(After the Channel Awesome logo, we see NC entering the living room to see Malcolm sitting on a chair while holding a shotgun. The whole opening scene is a parody of a scene from the movie The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (And the parody ending to ''Yogi Bear))'' NC: Hey, Malcolm. What are we reviewing today? (Malcolm doesn't reply) Malcolm? What are we reviewing? (Malcolm looks scared. He nods his head and moves his eyes left to make NC see what Malcolm is staring at. On the DVD shelf is the Blu-ray cover of the movie ''Yogi Bear. NC slowly looks back at Malcolm, then back towards the Blu-ray'') NC: Don't that Blu-ray look dusty? (Violin music plays as NC slowly walks over to the DVD shelf to grab the Blu-ray. As he does this, Malcolm slowly gets up from his chair, loads his shotgun with two bullets, cocks it, then aims his gun at NC. Just as NC is about to grab the Blu-ray, Malcolm fires his gun on NC, wounding him and causing him to fall backwards into the ground, apparently dead. The scene fades to NC's body now being turned into a bear rug on the floor. Malcolm stands in front of his body and throws the Blu-ray of ''Yogi Bear in front of NC, causing him to wake up, confused'') NC: The hell is that? Malcolm: Well, you still gotta do the review. NC: Then why the hell did we do all this?! Malcolm: I don't know. I just like shooting you. (He immediately shoots at NC again, though the shot just misses NC's face. Malcolm chuckles and walks away. We then cut to the NC opening, before showing NC in his room) NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (Long beat) Yogi Bear. (Various images of the original ''Yogi Bear ''cartoon are shown) NC (vo): A Hanna-Barbera cartoon, making his first appearance in 1959 on Huckleberry Hound, had his own show in 1961 with his sidekick Boo-Boo, stealing pic-a-nic baskets, upsetting the ranger of Jellystone. NC: (slaps his table) BRING THAT SHIT TO THE BIG SCREEN! THE AUDIENCE DEMANDS IT! (The title of the 2010 live-action/animated film is shown, before showing its clips) NC (vo): Yes, I know you've all been...waiting for this. The Yogi Bear Movie is here to fulfill your...Yogi-fix.* *NOTE: There was a much earlier Yogi Bear movie, one that was animated like the original show. Released in 1964, it was called Hey There, It's Yogi Bear. NC: I remember the riots and outbursts at the mere mention of canceling its 90s spin-off show, Yo, Yogi. (That show's title is shown) Oh, I'm not making that up. That show existed! (The opening intro to ''Yo, Yogi is shown'') Singers: Yo, Yogi, yo! He's smarter than the average bear! NC: Clearly, the potential being utilized with this timeless icon knows no bounds. NC (vo): Thus, we have The Yogi Bear Movie. Premiering in 2010, it starred Dan Aykroyd as the Prometheus-style Alien hybrid of the Garfield ''movie, and Justin Timberlake as his sidekick, Boo-Boo. '''NC:' At last, the role these two were born to play! NC (vo): The film was sadly a huge hit at the box office, which means I have to look over this nostalgic cash-in to find out why. Is it simply because people recognized the character and associate him with good times, or could it be something more...? NC: Nope. That's it. That's the reason. Let's get through this bear turd with Yogi Bear: The Movie. (The movie starts by showing the Warner Bros. logo all made out of wood) NC (vo): Look! The Warner Bros. sign is made of wood...because it takes place in the woods! NC: I immediately associate this with Yogi Bear now. Brilliant tie-in! (The movie first shows the sights and beauty of Jellystone Park as a narrator (Josh Robert Thompson) is heard, having a Morgan Freeman-like voice) Narrator: Jellystone Park. For years, families have headed out from the busy city, eager to enjoy a little camping. (NC suddenly sees that Malcolm is using his cell phone) NC: Malcolm, what are you doing? Malcolm: Calling my agent. They're stealing my Morgan Freeman voice. (Speaks on the phone as NC looks at him with his hand on his head) Hello, Perry? Somebody stole my Morgan Freeman voice. What do you mean, that voice belongs to Morgan Freeman? What do you mean, we've had this talk a million times?! What do you mean, "to stop calling you, you're not my agent"?! What do you mean, "click, beep"?! NC: (concerned) I'm becoming more and more concerned about having you around here. (Back to the movie, showing the entrance of Jellystone having an extra sign that says "Home of Yogi Bear") NC (vo): And much like any Jellystone Park, they advertise the hell out of the fact that Yogi Bear is there. (Images of signs of various parks showing Yogi in them are shown) NC: Though, in other Jellystones, he's not as friendly. (An image of a bear chasing a man is shown) (Yogi Bear and Boo-Boo are first shown looking at a family having a picnic from a high cliff) Yogi Bear: Boo-Boo, I think it's time I introduced myself to that pic-a-nic basket. NC (vo): Yeah. So, in a bizarre twist, Dan Aykroyd is actually not that great a Yogi Bear impersonator. (Clips of Yogi Bear in the original cartoon and the movie are shown to contrast Yogi's voices; they both sound different from the other) Yogi (Original): And with my accumulated talents, it'll be one enchanted evening. Yogi (CG): From now on, the pic-a-nic baskets are going to fall into our arms. Yogi (Original): I will use strategy, Boo-Boo. Watch this. Yogi (CG): Or it's that! (Grabs his foot, which is on fire) Whoa! Ow, ow! Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! NC (vo): But, weirdly enough, Justin Timberlake's voice is kind of spot-on. (Now we are shown clips of Boo-Boo in the original cartoon and the movie to contrast with his voices; they both sound alike) Boo-Boo (Original): But how are you gonna get past the ranger, Yogi? Boo-Boo (CG): Bored? But the 100th Anniversary Extravaganza's going on. NC: Who knew he was the Daniel Day-Lewis of Boo-Boos? NC (vo): As you'd imagine, Yogi spends most of his days trying to get pic-a-nic baskets, coming up with crazy contraptions to do so. Yogi: I'm smarter than the average bear! (Connected to a made-up bungee rope, Yogi bungees down off the cliff towards the family's picnic) NC: You know, instead of going through all of that, you are a bear. You could just...kill them? (Yogi reaches the family's picnic and steals the picnic basket) Boo-Boo: All right! (Yogi ends up turning around and colliding into the picnic table. In slow-motion, Yogi notices the food that's flying next to him and picks up a chip, dips it in green sauce, and eats it before falling to the ground) NC (vo; as Yogi): Hey-hey! I broke the Matrix! And just like Keanu Reeves, I don't look like I'm really here. (We first see Jellystone's park rangers, Ranger Smith and Ranger Jones) NC (vo): Meanwhile, we cut to Ranger Smith, played by Tom Cavanagh. He's trying to keep things orderly with his second-in-command Ranger Jones, played by T.J. Miller. Ranger Jones: I mean, we're park rangers, sir. To protect and preserve. NC: (as Jones) Oh, at this rate, I'll never be Jason Lee. NC (vo): Hey, it's gotta be better than Aykroyd's impersonation of Rover Dangerfield or whatever the hell he's doing. Yogi: (setting up another picnic basket trap) When you have a mind like mine, you can't blink, or you'll put a kink in your think. NC: It's true. You could be saying shit like this. (Cut to a news interview with Dan Aykroyd) Dan Aykroyd: We're being visited by 23 different species and 23 different kinds of ships. You know, I-I-I'm not alone on this. (Cut back to the movie, where we see a filmmaker named Rachel meet Ranger Smith in his office) NC (vo): But it turns out a filmmaker, played by Anna Faris, wants to do a documentary about Yogi. (in a low voice) Well, she's already off to a rough start, she can't even hide her boom mic very well. (An arrow points to a hidden boom mic in the room rising up) Rachel: I was hoping to talk to you about filming a documentary here. NC: Okay, so, are we actually gonna let her be funny, or is she just...the woman? Rachel: Yeah, I like to highlight all the plants and animals I see. Ranger Smith: I like to... (Chuckles) Me, too. (Rachel also chuckles) NC: Yeah, okay, you could just replace her with a pair of boobs and a smile... (A Photoshopped image of a woman's cleavage and a smiley face are added into the scene, replacing Rachel) NC: ...and pretty much get the same reaction. Smith: So what are you here to film? Rachel: I heard you had an unusual brown bear. Smith: Brown bear? Rachel: One that talks? Those are so rare. Smith: None that I can think of. NC: (acting scared) He's eaten four. (Holds up four fingers) Four. (We cut to the film's villain, Mayor Brown, speaking with the Chief of Staff at his office) NC (vo): And speaking of kids, ask yourself if any child would follow this conversation from the mayor's office. Chief of Staff: Well, if we don't have anything to sell, maybe we can profit off what we can't sell. Mayor Brown: If we rezone Jellystone Park as an agricultural land, we could sell the logging rights. This company says they'll give us thousands of dollars an acre... NC: (annoyed) This is a story about a talking bear in a tie! You can say a witch is haunting the forest! NOBODY CARES! (We go back to Jellystone, where Smith is introducing Rachel to Yogi and Boo-Boo) NC (vo): The ranger introduces Yogi and Boo-Boo to the filmmaker. Smith: I would like to introduce you to Rachel Johnson, who's here to make a nature documentary. (Rachel attempts to say hello to the bears by making a bear snarl) NC: (creeped out) Goddamn! You sound...goddamned! I think someone has to lay off the Pazuzu's Pedals beer! (Brings out a beer bottle with Pazuzu's face on it) Rachel: Would you guys mind if I shoot you? Yogi: Huh? (Off-screen, Yogi immediately runs away upon hearing that. Boo-Boo is still standing there) NC (vo; as Boo-Boo): Yogi, come back and meet your fate. Smith: Stop helping, please. (Yogi takes Smith by the arm and walks and talks with him) NC (vo): Actually, my favorite part about this movie is Cavanagh as the ranger, because every moment he's onscreen, he just so looks like he doesn't want to be there. NC: I know there's a mic for his audio, but can we get a mic for his inner thoughts? (The scene of Yogi talking with Smith is shown again, as we hear NC speaking the inner thoughts of Tom Cavanagh) NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts): Just shoot me, just shoot me. Get me out of this dumb flick. What's this Bigfoot Jar Jar Binks that's supposed to be next to me? Yogi: Urinate on her to mark her as your territory. NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts): Jesus Christ, did he say "piss on her"? He totally said "piss on her"! What the hell kind of movie is this? (Cut to an earlier scene) Yogi: ...put a kink in your think. (We next see Mayor Brown's car driving towards Jellystone) NC (vo): Oh, no, a black limo. That means the 90s villains are about to deliver the 90s plot! (Jones goes to tell Smith about the mayor's arrival) Jones: I have to secure the area. (Speaks through a walkie-talkie) All units, lock down the park! NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts, sounding annoyed at Jones): Oh, my God! Smith: Jones, you know I'm the only other ranger here, right? NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts): I so hope they mock you for this in Deadpool 2. (Mayor Brown and the Chief of Staff speak with the rangers) Mayor Brown: I am closing your park down. Section 73: You gotta be $20,000 in the hole. Jones: Try 30,562. NC (vo): Okay, not exactly sure how a mayor can shut down a national park, but...it gives the ranger a chance to raise money to save the orphanage...I mean, Grandma's house...I mean, the farm...I mean, Cinema Paradiso...I mean- NC: I don't give a shit. Smith: A lot can happen in a week. Mayor Brown: Hey, you know what? I'll even get you started. What's the admission fee for one car again? NC (vo; as Smith): $30,000. (as Mayor Brown) Oh, shit. I guess I walked into that one. (We see Yogi and Boo-Boo hanging out in their cave, with Boo-Boo feeding his pet turtle) NC (vo): Meanwhile, Boo-Boo feeds his pet turtle... NC: (sounding concerned) Animals owning animals seems wrong. NC (vo): ...while Yogi makes another device to steal pic-a-nic baskets, but is stopped by the ranger. Smith: You have got to stop stealing food so that campers will leave here happy. Yogi: But they do leave here happy. Getting your food stolen by Yogi Bear is special... NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts): I gave up a season of The Flash for this? Rot in Hell, you six-foot Winnie the Shit! Smith: There are repercussions to stealing people's picnic baskets. Yogi: (sits on an earlier picnic table trap) Not in my experience, sir. (The trap activates, sending Yogi flying into a tree with a target crayoned on it) On the other hand... (A pine cone hits Yogi on the face, causing him to scream the Wilhelm Scream) NC: Oh, I didn't know there was a wrong way to use the Wilhelm Scream, but Yogi Bear found a way. (Yogi's Wilhelm Scream is shown again) NC: That's so distracting, you could replace it with this. (The scene is shown again, this time dubbed with a deep voice (Doug) that says, "Unfunny in-joke". We cut to Smith meeting Rachel next to a river) NC (vo): Smith, meanwhile, tries to see what Faris is up to. Smith: I don't know how to talk to girls. Rachel: Why do you think I spent so much time with animals? All you have to do is scratch their backside and you've got a friend for life. You try that with people, and all of a sudden, you're the weird girl on the bus that nobody wants to sit next to. NC: (smiling) Hey! They gave Anna Faris a funny line! Seeing how it's the only funny line in the movie, I guess I'm glad it went to her. (While Smith and Rachel have dinner at the ranger's cabin at night, Yogi and Boo-Boo walk to them) NC (vo): He ends up asking her to dinner at his cabin, but Yogi seems to be quite the (imitates Yogi) cocker-de-blocker. Smith: What this park needs is visitors and lots of them. Yogi: Just make me a headliner! (Boo-Boo turns on the radio, and he and Yogi dance to "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot) NC: (his hand is on his cheek) I'm just hoping this is Thawne from another universe so we can just see this happen. (A scene from ''The Flash is shown, showing Eobard Thawne (also Cavanagh) using his powers to kill Cisco. Cisco's head is replaced with a Photoshopped image of Yogi'') Eobard Thawne: Forgive me. But to me, you've been dead for centuries. NC (vo; as Yogi): Tell Snagglepuss...I love him! (Cisco falls, dead. Back to the movie) Smith: You will stay away from people. Do you think you can do that for me? Yogi: Fine. NC (vo; as Yogi): I'll just retreat into this forest garnished by slaughtered Smurfs! (We cut to Ranger Jones being met by Mayor Brown and the Chief of Staff in their limo) NC (vo): But, oh, no! The Big Hero 6 stoner might be changing sides! (The limo's window is shown stuck halfway down) Mayor Brown: Why is it only going halfway down again? It doesn't make any... (The window rises up) No! (The window goes down fully) Oh, okay. All right, so is it a double tap, or do I have to press it... (The window goes up again) Oh, dang it! NC: Yeah, this goes on for 10 seconds. I'll absolve you. (He fast-forwards the scene) You're welcome. Mayor Brown: Yeah, why is a guy with your talent doing this insulting grunt work? You gotta be in charge now while you still know everything! NC: Just ask the combination of (A close-up of the Chief of Staff's face is shown) Shia LaBeouf and Mr. Bean over there. Jones: You'd put me in charge? Mayor Brown: In a second. NC (vo): Ranger Jones agrees to sabotage the 100-year anniversary of the park, but it looks like Yogi unintentionally might be ahead of him. (Yogi and Boo-Boo are watching the celebrations going on from a far away spot) Yogi: I can't take it, Boo-Boo! Two days without a tasty treat to eat! NC: (as Yogi) I gotta eat people! I'M A BEAR! NC (vo): No, apparently, he's referring to the picnic baskets, particularly the one with donuts. Yogi: DONUTS! (Yogi then suddenly has a vision of himself as an astronaut in outer space, encountering a giant planet-sized donut. "Also Sprach Zarathustra" is heard. NC is not amused by that scene) NC: Well, granted, 2001 parodies have so rarely been done, but...what does this have to do with anything?! NC (vo): He wants donuts. Okay. Why is he suddenly floating in space towards a giant one? I...don't really see any connection or similarities! (Tamara comes into the room) Tamara: Hey, Critic. I could really go for some ice cream. (Tamara suddenly imagines herself in the famous Star Wars scene of Darth Vader revealing Luke Skywalker's true parentage, playing both roles) Darth Vader: Tamara, I am your ice cream. Tamara: (Dressed as Luke) NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (We go back to Tamara still standing and looking at a confused NC) NC: You look like you're having a fantasy about being in Empire Strikes Back, except you're playing both Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker and you're talking about ice cream. Tamara: Hey, you recognized it. That means you understood it. NC: No, I described it. Understand it, I did not. Tamara: I'd like to think they're the same thing. NC: They're not. Tamara: I'd like to think they are. (Malcolm comes in, talking on his cell phone still) Malcolm: What do you mean, "stop calling or you'll call the police"? What kind of agent are you? (Hangs up and looks at Tamara) Tamara: You think we might be nuts? Malcolm: There's no "might" about it. Tamara: Okay. (They look at NC, who becomes as confused as ever) NC: What's this review doing to everybody? (And we go to a commercial. When we come back, we see Ranger Jones speaking with Yogi and Boo-Boo) NC (vo): So Ranger Jones comes across Yogi and Boo-Boo and looks them right in the eye, telling them to do what they want. At least, he would look them in the eye if anybody cared about what they were doing. Where are you looking? (An arrow points to Yogi's face, while Jones is looking below) HE'S RIGHT THERE! Jones: People see fireworks every day in the city. They came here because they thought they'd see something different. (Cut to Smith and Rachel setting up fireworks on a stage in the middle of a river) Smith: Thanks again for helping me with the fireworks. I don't know where Ranger Jones disappeared to. NC: (as Smith) I mean, what'd you think I was gonna do? Set off fireworks at night? Day fireworks are the best! (Smith starts letting out his loving words to Rachel, unknowingly in front of a switched-on microphone, allowing the crowd of people to hear what he is saying) Smith: I have never felt so gushy... Rachel: Ranger... Smith: You know, I wrote a song...about you. (Sings) Saw you at the station, had a heart... NC: Yeah, the mic is on. NC (vo): The mic is on. NC: We all goddamn know the mic is on! Rachel: The microphone is on. Smith: Yes, the mic... (Realizes what she said and looks at the crowd of people, who are all weirded out) NC: Oh, thank God I didn't catch the mic in his head. NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts): When this is over, I'm gonna jump off a bridge. Hey, weird everybody's wearing clothes with no writing on them. What's up with this girl? (A close-up is shown of a young girl making a weird smile) Is there something wrong with her? Is she the only actress trying? God, I'm getting drunk tonight. (Yogi suddenly interrupts the fireworks show by performing a water-skiing routine with Boo-Boo driving the boat) NC (vo): Yogi, however, interrupts with a water-skiing show, which, of course, ends up setting off the fireworks. (Due to Yogi's clumsiness with the water-skiing stunt, the fireworks are activated, but they are sent flying towards the crowd, scaring them away. A clip from ''Mary Poppins is shown'') Admiral Bloom: Fire! (Bloom's first mate activates his fireworks. Back to the movie, as Yogi watches the crowd run away from the fireworks) NC (vo): Of course, people flee, and the ranger is stuck, not making the amount he needed to keep the park open. (In the aftermath, Yogi and Boo-Boo walk to an extremely disappointed Ranger Smith) Yogi: I...I thought... Smith: I guess it wasn't enough, screwing up my life. No, this time, you had to go and bring down this entire park. (We get a still shot of Smith's disappointed look) NC: Look at that face. That is the face of a guy holding a gun under the camera. (The scene is shown with an added effect of a person shooting a gun, making the illusion of Smith shooting Yogi. A haunting chorus is heard) Smith: How smart are you now? NC: (smiles) I could watch this ranger forever! NC (vo): So he's sent to a different park, while Ranger Jones is put in charge, much to the filmmaker's dismay. Smith: (t''o Rachel'') You and I are just two people who care about things that nobody else doesn't. That's why we're alone. Rachel: Or maybe that's why we found each other. Smith: Rachel, you and this park have one thing in common. NC: (as Smith) You're both moldy and green in all the wrong places. Smith: You both deserve a better man than me. (Leaves in his truck) NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts): I'm gonna see if Legends of Tomorrow needs a cameo. (A depressed Yogi is at his cave, preparing to leave) Yogi: Ranger Smith was right. My whole life, I've been different. But it's done nothing but hurt people. Boo-Boo: Yogi, what are you doing? NC: (as Yogi) Get my gun, Boo-Boo. It's time to add myself to Nicolas Cage's wardrobe. NC (vo): He decides to be an average bear, which leads to, well, average bad jokes. (In the night, Yogi is drowning his sorrows in ice cream) Yogi: How could this get any worse? NC: Oh, I don't know. A piece-of-shit punchline we've heard to death? (A thunderstorm instantly erupts, raining on Yogi. We cut to Ranger Smith now working in the city, where Mayor Brown and the Chief of Staff approach him in their limo) NC (vo): I mean, it's nothing compared to a repeat of that amazing ''window gag! (''The limo's window is stuck halfway down again) Mayor Brown: Come on. Chief: I've got this. Mayor Brown: This is unbelievable. (Fully opens the window and speaks to Smith) Have a good day, Ranger Smith! (Attempts to close the window, but it gets stuck halfway yet again) I hate this car. I hate it. NC: (looking bored) You know, this is starting to look good. (The opening intro to ''Yo, Yogi is shown again'') Singers: Yo, yo, yo, yo, Yogi! Yo, yo, yo, yo, Yogi! NC: You know they did a few episodes in 3D? Do some research on it. It's not interesting, but it's more interesting than this. NC (vo): Boo-Boo, of course, convinces Yogi to go back to his normal ways when they see the park is starting to be shut down. (Upon seeing that several trees are being cut down, Yogi immediately regains his spirit) Yogi: Boo-Boo, get my collar! NC: I'm humorously obligated to play this after that line. (An earlier scene is shown again) Yogi: ...put a kink in your think. (As the ''Superman ''theme is heard, Yogi is shown putting on his hat and tie) Yogi: Nobody...is gonna hurt Jellystone! NC: You know, I'm noticing a pattern that bad Warner Bros. films use the Superman theme. Think about it. (Posters of the following are shown) Yogi Bear, Kangaroo Jack, Superman Returns. It's a weird cycle. (Yogi and Boo-Boo are shown meeting Smith in the city) NC (vo): Yogi and Boo-Boo go to find Ranger Smith, who, as you can tell, is still acting like the Devil melted his nuts a week ago. Yogi: Mr. Ranger, I've learned two things from... NC (vo; as Cavanagh's thoughts): My soul is being murdered. It's being murdered by this Art Carney from Honeymooners covered in Paddington's pubic hair. (Smith, now convinced there's a chance to save Jellystone, begins walking) Smith: Come on. Yogi: (points to Boo-Boo) Shotgun! Boo-Boo: (frowns) Oh. NC: (as Yogi) No, no! I mean, shotgun! We're bears! (The sound of a shotgun firing is heard) Oh, no! They blew my Boo-Boo to Boo-bits! (We see Yogi, Boo-Boo, Smith and Rachel making a discovery on a laptop about Boo-Boo's pet turtle seen earlier) NC (vo): They find that Boo-Boo's pet turtle is actually an endangered species, and thus, they can't take down the park. But the mayor, now running for governor, and his men try to stop them. (Ranger Jones is shown holding the turtle) Jones: Hey, little buddy. Yoo-hoo. Hello, there. (The turtle's head pops out from the other side as Jones is looking in its rear. Jones notices this) NC: (as Jones) I just gave cunnilingus to a turtle. This is my life. (Yogi and Boo-Boo are shown using their made-up glider, the ''Basket-Nabber 2000, to steal the basket the turtle is in'') NC (vo): They decide to use Yogi's glider from earlier to fly in and grab the turtle and... NC: Has there ever been a good film with a glider? (Images of three glider scenes from ''The Blade Master, Wild Wild West and Rio are shown'') Not that this movie is ever gonna redeem itself, but it is kind of a weird kiss of death, isn't it? NC (vo): Yogi jumps off the glider to grab the turtle, and Boo-Boo defies the laws of gravity to hook the bungee cord onto him. (Yogi grabs the basket from the Chief of Staff) Yogi: Mind if I borrow this? Chief: Hey! (Yogi and Boo-Boo, carrying the basket with the turtle in it, bungee themselves back up to the glider) NC: (as Reed Thimple from The Country Bears) This is not over! Bears! (The glider starts losing control and falling towards the Earth) Yogi: Hang on, Boo-Boo! Boo-Boo: What do we do now? NC (vo; as Yogi): Pray to whatever God you believe in! Personally, I'd put faith in the energy of the collected unconsciousness. (as Boo-Boo) I'm actually a Muslim. (as Yogi) Boo-Boo, I never knew! (as Boo-Boo) You never ask about me. (Yogi, Boo-Boo, Smith, Rachel and Jones are shown confronting Mayor Brown at his conference) NC (vo): They bring the turtle to the bad guy and... NC: Why are you taking the turtle to the bad guy?! Weren't you spending all this time keeping it away from him? Mayor Brown: You think I care about what the law says? (to the Chief of Staff) Get this thing out of here before anybody else sees it! NC: (as Mayor Brown) You know I'm the mayor of Nowheresville! How do I have all this power? NC (vo): They get the turtle, but Faris recorded the mayor's evil plan and tries to play it in front of the crowd. They just need a distraction. (Yogi and Boo-Boo begin to distract two security guards) Yogi: Hey-hey! Check this out! Kick it, Boo-Boo! Boo-Boo: Kicking it. (Yogi and Boo-Boo dance to "Don't Stop Believin'" by Journey. The guards stand still, completely focusing on watching the two bears dance) NC (vo; as the two guards, in a robotic tone): We are fascinated by bear butts. Bear...butts. (While the guards are distracted, Smith sneaks past them and switches on the recording of Mayor Brown's confession of gaining more power and willing to break the law to do so, which is shown on the stage's big screen, much to Mayor Brown's shock) Mayor Brown (on the screen): You think I care about what the law says? (The crowd starts to get angry. The Chief of Staff approaches the two security guards) Chief: There's about to be a riot out there. I need you out front! NC (vo; as the two guards): But there are bear butts. (Mayor Brown is arrested by police officers while being swarmed by reporters as he tries to recant what he said on the recording) Mayor Brown: No, no, no, no, no. I never took a kickback out of anything in my entire career. NC (vo): This calls for a damn awkward walk! (As the main characters celebrate their victory, Ranger Jones walks over to Yogi and Boo-Boo to high-five with them; he walks in a weird fashion) NC: Seriously, what was that? Was he mimicking the way the original Yogi walked? NC (vo): The mayor's associate tries to get away, but Faris uses her years of being with animals to her advantage. Chief: (pinned down by Rachel) Gorilla? Rachel: Himalayan snow leopard. Chief: Oh. (Sighs as he falls unconscious) NC: (as the Chief) Yeah, you can drag this scene out all you want. I got Anna Faris on me. I'm not gonna yell "Cut!". NC (vo): They put the mayor away, and, of course, more people are drawn to the park, making it a success again. And naturally, Yogi is still there to encourage criminal behavior. (Yogi and Boo-Boo, driving their new Basket-Nabber 3000, pass by a stunned Rachel and Smith) Boo-Boo: Hi, Miss Movie Lady! (The Basket-Nabber 3000 is revealed to be dragging three picnic tables filled with food; one of them has a dog on the table) NC (vo; as Yogi): We're gonna eat the dog, too! Korean food tonight! Smith: YOGI!! (Runs off) NC: Well, I guess that's kind of like "ALVIN!!" Rachel: (laughs and looks at the camera) I love this place. (Runs off with Smith to chase after Yogi and Boo-Boo) NC (vo; as Anna Faris's thoughts): Oh, my God, I'd rather do five Scary Movie sequels than one of these. Oh, crap, is there a mic in my head, too? Oh, who gives a shit? Just go see Overboard! (An image of the upcoming film ''Overboard is shown'') NC: And that was The Yogi Bear Movie. (beat) I think I’d rather watch this. (The opening intro to ''Yo, Yogi is shown once more'') Singers: Yo, Yogi, yo! Yo, Yogi! Let's go! (Clips from the movie are shown as NC gives his final thoughts) NC (vo): I’ll give it credit that it’s…short. It’s only 80 minutes long, and it strangely feels about that long. It just flies in, does some shit, and then flies away, like a bird leaving a dump on your shoulder. It’s not good, but there’s worse things. It seems almost silly to get angry at it. It’s Yogi Bear: The Movie. What did we expect? Even the cartoon isn’t really anything that phenomenal. This is inoffensive, I guess, but it’s also dumb and just forgettable, aside from, again, the ranger’s "dead inside" reactions. I swear this movie is almost worth watching just for him. But aside from that, this is a "shit in a basket" you can easily pass on. NC: I mean, it's not like this movie's gonna make anyone dumber after watching it. (Tamara and Malcolm are shown sitting on the couch. Tamara is sitting motionless, while Malcolm is resuming speaking on the cell phone) Malcolm: Stop trying to block my calls and do your job! Tamara: I'm on the Titanic now. Malcolm: You're my agent! Stop asking me that! Tamara: Jack, I can fly. NC: Just don't watch it while operating heavy machinery. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (He gets up and leaves. We cut to a clip of Ranger Smith standing still as Yogi Bear talks to him, while Luciano Michelini's title theme to ''Curb Your Enthusiasm plays. The credits roll'') Channel Awesome Tagline: Yogi: Urinate on her to mark her as your territory. Category:The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts Category:Content Category:Guides Category:Transcripts Category:Warner Bros Category:Nostalgia Critic